for the first time in my life, i don’t need to be in solitude to feel free.

i never thought i’d actually feel this way. flying solo is all i really know & solitude is my happy place, the only territory i’ve genuinely wanted to reside.

i avoided serious relationships my whole life because they always seemed to come with conditions requiring me to be someone i’m not. so, i skipped right over the chapter of fairy tale romance in my book with high hopes to one day return & write the greatest love story ever told.

i’ve traveled foreign lands alone & retreated to the forest in silence more times than i can count but i’ve never been on a proper vacation with a man or revealed the most intriguing pieces of myself because i’ve been saving them for someone who knows what to do with them.

i needed to heal deep trauma wounds & understand my own power before i felt safe enough to open my heart to a man, even one worthy of my undivided attention.

earlier this year, i made a plan to spend one year in complete silence & solitude beginning in october. but a couple of weeks ago, my intuition told me it’s not going to happen because god has another assignment for me. i had no idea where this out-of-left-field curb ball came from. but i listened & trusted i would receive direction when it was time to take action.

new feelings have been stirring inside of me & ideas i’ve never entertained are creeping into my periphery. my soul is ready for expansion & my heart longs to experience new realms of love.

i want to meet my match. i want to look my soul mate in the eyes & see my masculine counterpart staring back at me. i want to be face to face with my equal & learn how to hold my own with someone who has the same resilience & passion & tenderness as i do. i want to learn how to coexist with a partner & continue growing as an individual with him by my side. i want to climb into every corner of his beautiful brilliant mind & see the world through his eyes. i want to completely surrender to the man capable of holding space for all of me & my wild hearted whims.

this is what i want now.

i love you.

XO
zella

the more you do it, the easier it gets.

i love you.

xo, zella

over the past few months, verbal interaction has become unappealing & feels like a huge chore for me. i simply lost interest in talking to anyone & speech sounds mostly like empty chatter even when it’s sincere.

i prefer silence. i’d rather listen to someone’s heart song & most discussions spoil the music. when i’m in another person’s presence, i only care to understand their heart. i want to learn their love language & hear emotions that cannot be expressed through words. rhetoric has become a distraction when i am in conversation with the heart.

love is infinite & expands beyond logic’s comprehension. to get close to love, we must move toward our hearts because that’s where love lives. we need to get quiet & listen to our innermost feelings to hear the music playing inside of us. when we tune in to the frequency of love, we begin swaying to the rhythm of our own heart. as a result, we evolve into higher levels of consciousness.

i am most peaceful when i am quiet & alone in the forest listening to the beat of my heart & nature’s sacred soundtrack.

i love you

xo,
zella

when i gave myself permission to take up space with my presence & move through the world as though i have a right to be here, a deep well of love awakened within me because i stopped hiding those pieces of me that were a little too much for some & not quite enough for others.

keeping up appearances is fucking exhausting & i want nothing to do with it.

the truth is, you don’t need to make yourself small or cram your magic into a tiny box of unexpressed emotion for the sake of someone else’s comfort. neglecting your own needs to make someone else happy is a form of self betrayal. it disrupts your peace of mind & damages your relationship with spirit.

get real with yourself. be honest about who you are & what you want & then bravely walk through this world as your authentic self. no more pretending you’re happy when you’re sad. no more fake smiles or too tight traditions that serve absolutely nobody. release your stories about how you need to prove your worth & become somebody.

become you. take up space with your presence & show up to each moment as yourself without fear or apology. basic liberty is your birthright & you were born to fly.

i love you.

xo,
zella

so much more than enough.

i love you.

xo, zella

when i look closely at what is happening around me, i can’t help but wonder how humans have strayed so far from the natural world & erased every ounce of soul within themselves to fit into a crippling codependent culture operating on self sacrifice & external validation.

how did an entire society become conditioned to believe everyone must think, act, dress, eat, look, live & feel the same way? why do humans choose a life of unwavering obedience & slavery over total freedom? why do adults need other adults making decisions for them?

i’ve asked myself these questions often throughout my life. experience & a lot of heartache gave me the answer.

FEAR. people are afraid of being ostracized by society & taking responsibility for their own happiness. blaming others for your suffering & relying on someone else to solve your problems is easier than solving them yourself because the solution requires inner work on your part and that’s the toughest (also the most rewarding) job of all. it is messy & painful & requires you to look at everything you’ve avoided up to now & get honest with yourself about who you are & what you want when who you are & what you want looks & feels VERY different from the character you’ve been playing. it is scary to leave behind an expired version of you & leap into the unknown without a safety net.

i have felt the fear deep in my bones & know how debilitating it can be. i let fear dictate my choices when i trembled in my truth. i was stabbed in the back by people i trusted for unapologetically standing in my power. i’ve been the target of many evil eyes after refusing to dim my own light for their comfort. i know what it feels like to navigate a wicked world without another person by my side.

i’ve also learned that solitude is where the magic happens. the people who made it easy to walk away were angels in disguise, showing me the path home to my inner world, where i found strength, courage, a compass & unwavering devotion to my soul.

i love you.

xo,

zella

getting to know myself is singlehandedly the best thing i’ve ever done. while many people were busy getting degrees & stable jobs & long-term lovers & very important titles & fancy houses & favorable reputations, all i ever wanted to do is sit with the trees in solitude and ask my soul what she wants to do. nothing seemed more significant than understanding every nook, cranny & crevice of my soul.

i am the only person responsible for my happiness, so i need to know who i am & what i want in order to make wise decisions & do what’s best for me. when i do what’s best for me, i don’t rely on others to fulfill my needs or make me happy. as a result, my relationships/friendships are free of codependency and hold space for absolute honesty.

i study me in ways many people study subjects or hobbies or other people. i wake up each morning eager to learn, knowing personal growth is dependent on my willingness to be present in each moment & stay true to myself at all times, even when it is inconvenient.

i am a student of life and continually choose experience as my teacher. i learn lessons on my own time, in my own way & need to be stimulated on a soul level to remain interested in activities, relationships and conversations.

small talk bores me & structure designed by others makes me feel claustrophobic, so i spend a lot of time alone listening to my soul & giving her total freedom to move through the day exactly as she wishes. no rules. no schedule. no plans. my soul tells me what i am doing & when i am doing it. she is the leader of my life. i am just along for the ride.

and what a wild fucking ride it’s been.

i love you.

xo,
zella

god granted me the courage to be disliked.

it took me a long time to understand why he placed this big ol’ bag of bravery at my feet & how it would serve my purpose. over time, i realized i need it to break free from a manmade world built on fear, self sacrifice & crippling codependent behavior.

total liberation required me to give up all desire for external validation & allow spirit to guide me along my path regardless of the judgement i receive from others. the less time i spend defending my choices & convincing other people i’m a “good” person, the more time i spend doing what i love to do & growing into the wisest, most authentic version of me. i don’t waste my energy trying to cram myself into a one-size-fits-all box. i have no interest in following the crowd or adopting limiting belief systems designed to control humanity. i’m done with shallow affairs demanding i give up pieces of myself i’d rather keep. i have nothing to prove to anyone & possess zero desire to be understood by others.

i only want to be ALL of me, exactly as god created me. i am wild as the wind & free as a bird. i spend my days by a river in the middle of the forest & feast on watermelon while the sun kisses my skin. i love & laugh & play & pray & feel every emotion arising within me. i dance to the beat of my own heart & revel in my sensuality & trust my intuition & listen to the whispers of my soul because she knows the way home.

man doesn’t get to tell me who i am. only god can do that because he is my maker & the only one i trust implicitly with my life.

i love you.

xo,

zella

we light ourselves up by doing what we love to do. study yourself until you know exactly what you need to keep your light turned up to maximum capacity because your happiness will make the world a better place to live.

i love you.

xo,

zella

once you set yourself free & step into your personal power, you no longer have a desire to tell other people what to do or how to behave.

to every person i’ve ever encountered, thank you for helping me grow & become the person i am today. i love you.

xo, zella